Filed under: Arthur C. Clarke, General Musings, Predictions, Science Fiction, Society, Star Trek, Star Wars, Writing stuff
A good friend sent me a link to a Sunday Times commentary by Bryan Appleyard titled “Why don’t we love science fiction?”. Here’s the opening paragraph:
In the 1970s, Kingsley Amis, Arthur C Clarke and Brian Aldiss were judging a contest for the best science-fiction novel of the year. They were going to give the prize to Grimus, Salman Rushdie’s first novel. At the last minute, however, the publishers withdrew the book from the award. They didn’t want Grimus on the SF shelves. “Had it won,” Aldiss, the wry, 82-year-old godfather of British SF, observes, “he would have been labelled a science-fiction writer, and nobody would have heard of him again.”
Painfully true. Of course, had this happened, Rushdie may have been able to avoid that whole fatwa business which had him in hiding for a while. Sadly, SF writers aren’t taken seriously enough to even warrant killing for their sacrilege.
Then why read science fiction, let alone write the stuff? Appleyard has a good handle on this:
“The truth is,” Aldiss has written, “that we are at last living in an SF scenario.” A collapsing environment, a hyperconnected world, suicide bombers, perpetual surveillance, the discovery of other solar systems, novel pathogens, tourists in space, children drugged with behaviour controllers – it’s all coming true at last. Aldiss thinks this makes SF redundant. I disagree. In such a climate, it is the conventionally literary that is threatened, and SF comes into its own as the most hardcore realism.
He explores more of this in his column, which I heartily recommend reading. Not that this will change things for most people, of course – there is a deep-seated prejudice against SF, even within significant portions of the SF community. Why? Well, as Appleyard says, good SF – the stuff that lasts and has an impact – is about examining our own dark nature and fears about where our science will lead us. And that is just a little too stark for many people, who want escapism more than they want to confront the prospect of what we are doing to ourselves and our environment. I think that this is why such fantastic yet formulaic SF as Star Wars or even Star Trek tends to be much more popular than the more nitty-gritty stuff.
Now, I enjoy a good, upbeat ending as much as the next person. Communion of Dreams has such an ending, though there is pain and loss. But look at where Communion starts – in a world made worse by our foolish actions and fears, a grim view of both our future and ourselves. Getting past that is difficult for many people.
Well, I do love science fiction – for all the reasons Appleyard has cited, and all that I have written about on this blog. I guess for me it comes down to being willing to take a long, cold look at reality – because only when you really understand exactly what problems you have can you make an effective change. SF allows us to do that, if it is well written and honest. But I long ago learned that most people prefer a pretty lie to honest truth.
Jim Downey
Filed under: Alzheimer's, Bipolar, Depression, Health, Hospice, Sleep, Writing stuff
We’re back to the train metaphor. My MIL has either been traveling via train, or is waiting for someone to arrive on a train, or is going to catch a train, or just thinks that she is presently on a train (this last happens when she’s in bed, with the bed safety rails up). I cannot help but think that this is her subconscious’ way of understanding that she is in transition from this life to whatever comes after. Why a train? Because when she was a young woman, that’s how she traveled, to St. Louis for shopping, back and forth to college.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
But she doesn’t stop there. Yesterday morning I went to get her up from her morning nap, and she asked: “Is there a job or something I can do to earn some money?”
“Money? Why do you need money?”
“Well, to call my mother.”
“???”
“I came over here to play, and have been out playing on the grounds. Now I’d like to go home, so need to call my mother. But I was laying here thinking, and realized I don’t have any money!”
“Ah. Well, that’s OK. You can use the phone here – you don’t need any money.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
As I walked with the dog in the cold, stiff wind this morning, little pellets of spitting snow falling around me, I realized something I should have noticed a week or two ago: I’m a bit messed up. Lethargic, unmotivated, finding it difficult to concentrate even enough to write short entries for my blog. But I haven’t been sleeping well, either. I’ve been grumpy and short tempered, impatient and always feeling slightly annoyed. In other words, my mild bipolar condition crept into darkness, a slight depression.
Part of it is just the ongoing effort of being a care-provider, of course. Part of it is seasonal, with the grey clouds that settle in this time of year. And part of it is just personal, as we approach December 12th, the anniversary of my father’s murder. I’ve learned to expect something of a downturn this time of year, but it always seems to catch me off guard at first. You’d think after almost 40 years, it wouldn’t come as a surprise.
It’s not the vicious blackness of a full depression, and for that I am thankful. But still, it needs some tending – awareness, being a little more lenient with myself, a little more indulgent. Try to nap when I can. Worry less about my weight, enjoy some favorite foods in moderation. Work when I can, hope that my clients and readers will understand. Be as gentle with myself as I am with my MIL, at least for a while.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
I was on-call last night. I first heard my MIL stirring around 1:00, but she settled back down again until a little after 2:00. The second time I got up, dressed, went downstairs to check on her.
I put down the safety rails, helped her sit on the side of the bed. At first touch I knew she was running a fever. I got some slippers on her feet, helped her onto the commode that sits beside the bed. Her eyes were watery, uncertain. Her temperature was 2.5 degrees above normal.
“Here, MIL, you need to take these pills,” I said, dropping her usual nighttime meds into the palm of her hand.
She looked at the pills, then at me, then back at the pills. “No.”
“???”
“I’ve already taken my pills. That woman was in here a few minutes ago, and I took them then.”
“Um, no, no one else has been here tonight. Maybe that was just a dream. These are your pills – you need to take them.”
“No!”
This was a completely new one – she’d never refused to take her meds before. “Um, yeah. You need to take those. Now. Here’s some water . . .”
“NO!”
It took me over 10 minutes of cajoling and commanding and pleading to get her to take the medications. She was adamant that she had taken them already, some memory fragment or bit of dream stuck in her head.
And it was almost two hours before I was able to get back to sleep.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
She’s been cranky today. Stubborn, demanding, a bit petulant.
But also so very weak and confused. Perhaps another TIA. Or perhaps just another step down in her overall condition.
We’ll know more when the hospice nurse comes tomorrow. Or not. You learn to live with that ambiguity, that uncertainty. As best you can.
Jim Downey
(Cross-posted to dKos.)
Filed under: Alzheimer's, Book Conservation, General Musings, Guns, Health, Hospice, NPR, Predictions, Publishing, Science Fiction, Sleep, Society, tech, Writing stuff
As I’ve mentioned previously, I try and catch NPR’s Weekend Edition Saturday regularly. This morning’s show was hosted by John Ydstie, and had a very nice three minute meditation titled Reflecting on a Past Generation which dealt with the differences between his life and his father-in-law’s, as measured in physical weight and strength. You should listen to it, but the main thrust of the piece is how Ydstie’s FIL was a man of the mechanical age, used to dealing with tools and metal and machines, whereas Ydstie is used to working with computers and electronic equipment which is becoming increasingly light weight, almost immaterial.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Last weekend, as part of my preparations for tackling in earnest the big conservation job for the seminary, I got a large fireproof safe. I needed something much larger than my little cabinet to safely secure the many books I will have here at any given time. And about the most cost-effective solution to this need was a commercial gun safe, the sort of thing you see in sporting goods stores and gun shops all around the country.
So, since a local retailer was having a big Holiday sale, I went and bought a safe. It’s 60 inches tall, 30 inches wide, and 24 inches deep. And it weighs 600 pounds.
And the retailer doesn’t offer any kind of delivery and set-up.
“Liability issues,” explained the salesman when I asked. “But the guys out at the loading dock will help get it loaded into your truck or trailer.”
Gee, thanks.
So I went and rented a low-to the ground trailer sufficiently strong for hauling a 600 pound safe (I have a little trailer which wouldn’t be suitable). And an appliance dolly. And went and got the safe.
When I showed up at the loading dock and said I needed to pick up a safe, people scattered. The poor bastard I handed the paperwork to sighed, then disappeared into the warehouse. He returned a few minutes later with some help and my safe, mounted on its own little wooden pallet and boxed up. The four guys who loaded it into my trailer used a little cargo-loader, and were still grunting and cursing. I mostly stayed out of their way and let them do the job the way they wanted. Liability issues, you know.
I drove the couple miles home, and parked. And with a little (but critical) help from my good lady wife, it took just a half an hour and a bit of effort to get the safe in the house and settled where I wanted it. Yes, it was difficult, and I wouldn’t really want to tackle moving anything larger essentially on my own. But using some intelligence, an understanding of balance, and the right tool for the job I was able to move the 600 pound mass of metal with relative ease. And it made me feel damned good about my flabby own self.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
In contrast, the most difficult things I have ever done don’t really have a ‘weight’ to them. Communion of Dreams took me years of hard work to write and rewrite (multiple times), and yet is nothing more than phantasm, able to fly through the internet and be read by thousands. There are no physical copies to be bought, shared with a friend, lugged around and cherished or dropped disgustedly into a recycle bin. It is just electrons, little packets of yes and no.
And these past years of being a care provider, how do I weigh them (other than the additional fat I carry around from lack of proper exercise and too little sleep)? I suppose that I could count up all the times I have had to pick up my MIL, transfer her between chair and toilet, or lay her down gently on her bed. But even in this, things tend towards the immaterial, as she slowly loses weight along with her memories of this life. And soon, she will be no more than a body to be removed, carried one last time by others sent by the funeral home.
How do you weigh a life?
Jim Downey
Filed under: BoingBoing, Constitution, Flu, General Musings, Government, Predictions, Press, Science Fiction, Society, Violence, Writing stuff, YouTube
OK, I realize that I am probably the last person on the planet to hear of this, but nonetheless I want to rant about it. What it? The YouTube vid of the Utah HP Officer using his Taser on a guy pulled over for speeding which has been getting a fair amount of press and blog attention. Before I say any more, here’s the clip:
OK, first thing – my dad was a cop, and I’ve known cops all my life. I generally like cops, and respect the job they do – it’s dangerous, grim, and I don’t want to have anything to do with it.
Next thing – it’s stupid to do anything other than smile nice and comply with what a cop tells you. Yeah, stupid. Because in that situation, out in the real world, the cop (or his buddy cops) is gonna win any argument. You got a problem, save it for your trial or a lawsuit against the cop/department/government.
Last thing – because we give cops this much power over us, we *have* to insure that they exercise their authority properly and appropriately. That’s the trade-off, the contract we make with the government.
And this HP Officer did not properly exercise his authority. I think any fair viewing of the video leaked out to YouTube pretty clearly indicates just exactly what happened: for whatever reason, this cop did not like having his power challenged, and escalated the situation in a completely inappropriate manner, endangering the man he’d pulled over, the man’s family, himself, and just about anyone else who was traveling that stretch of highway at that time. It was in violation of the HP guidelines:
Troopers that carry Tasers must take a four-hour certification course outlining how and when to use the devices, according to UHP’s nine-page policy. They are taught to use them in three circumstances:
* When a person is a threat to themselves, an officer or another person.
* In cases where the physical use of force would endanger the person or someone else.
* When other means of lesser or equal force by the officer has been ineffective and a threat still exists.
Now, will the internal review of the use of the Taser in this instance show that the cop behaved in compliance with the rules? Will the cop be disciplined? Will the victim see justice in court? I don’t know, I suppose we’ll have to see. And we’ll have to see whether the social contract we make with the government in this case is honored, or whether it is yet again broken by a system in which the government and its officials are seen to be our rulers rather than our employees.
What does all of this have to do with Communion of Dreams? Not a lot, directly. But a whole lot, indirectly. Because I see this abuse kind of power by the government today as part of the reason why, when in the ‘history’ of the novel things break down following the first fire-flu, there’s a lot of civil unrest leading to something akin to a second civil war. Because if people do not trust their government or its officers, then when there is a catastrophe they will not trust it to act on their behalf, and will seek to protect and defend themselves even from their own government. It is a throw-away line early in the book, but the post-flu US I see is largely libertarian in nature for this very reason.
Jim Downey
(A slightly different version of this rant has been cross-posted to UTI.)
Today’s Pearls Before Swine (mostly the third panel) by Stephan Pastis is brilliant, and all too true.
More later.
Jim Downey
Filed under: Artificial Intelligence, Expert systems, General Musings, Government, Predictions, Science Fiction, Society, tech, Writing stuff
I’m always surprised when people *don’t* know the limitations and liabilities of the technology they take for granted. Take for example this Washington Post story about cellphone tracking:
Cellphone Tracking Powers on Request
Secret Warrants Granted Without Probable CauseFederal officials are routinely asking courts to order cellphone companies to furnish real-time tracking data so they can pinpoint the whereabouts of drug traffickers, fugitives and other criminal suspects, according to judges and industry lawyers.
In some cases, judges have granted the requests without requiring the government to demonstrate that there is probable cause to believe that a crime is taking place or that the inquiry will yield evidence of a crime. Privacy advocates fear such a practice may expose average Americans to a new level of government scrutiny of their daily lives.
Gee, ya think?
See, here’s the thing: cell phones have to maintain steady contact with cell towers in their area, in order for you to have reliable service. Also, the Enhanced 911 system needs to be able to figure out where you are if you call, so the technology is built-in. And many phones simply have a GPS system. Your mobile phone service provider can basically track your movements at all times, so long as you have your phone with you. There have even been cases where people have been disciplined/dismissed from jobs based on cell movement monitoring by their employer. And Google “cell phone monitoring” (or any variant) and not only will you get a lot of hits, but off to the right are a bunch of sponsored links from companies offering to help you monitor the movement of someone based on their cell phone. Charming, eh? Do you seriously think that the government wouldn’t take advantage of this?
Oh, and one more item to keep in mind: remember, your phone doesn’t even have to be ‘on’ for this to work. So long as the battery is plugged in, it is ‘live’. And if they want to, your cell phone company (at the behest of the authorities?) can turn on the mic to listen in on your conversations even when you aren’t using the phone.
Yeah, you’re carrying a tracking device in your pocket. And a ‘bug’. Welcome to the future.
Actually, this sort of thing is where I see the tech of the personal expert system AI like Seth developing for Communion of Dreams. Such an entity could function as a screen for you – keeping track of your movements at all times, providing the necessary safety & convenience, but being a ‘black box’ to any outside agency. Almost like how a good butler or house-elf would serve someone but jealously guard their privacy/secrets. And in the ongoing battle between prying eyes and effective counter-measures, such systems would be pushed to develop greater capabilities and eventually intelligence.
Jim Downey
(Slightly different version of this cross-posted to UTI.)
Filed under: Art, Book Conservation, Predictions, Press, Science Fiction, tech, Writing stuff
OK, this is so cool:
Japan’s melody roads play music as you drive
Motorists used to listening to the radio or their favourite tunes on CDs may have a new way to entertain themselves, after engineers in Japan developed a musical road surface.
A team from the Hokkaido Industrial Research Institute has built a number of “melody roads”, which use cars as tuning forks to play music as they travel.
The concept works by using grooves, which are cut at very specific intervals in the road surface. Just as travelling over small speed bumps or road markings can emit a rumbling tone throughout a vehicle, the melody road uses the spaces between to create different notes.
I love it!!
Why am I so excited about this? Because here is the first page of the prequel to Communion of Dreams, titled St. Cybi’s Well:
Darnell Sidwell had just crossed the Severn Bridge on the M4, heading west. He read the highway sign: “Sound Sculpture Ahead. Move to outer left lane, maintain speed of 70 kph”. He pulled the little GM rental hybrid into the left lane carefully, and thought about setting the cruise control, but was unsure where to find it on the unfamiliar right-hand drive vehicle. At least the damned thing was an automatic, meaning he was spared having to learn to shift gears with his left hand. He chuckled at this thought, appreciating the irony of a space shuttle pilot intimidated by having to learn to drive on the wrong side of the road.
But he had wanted to come visit Claire, his sister. And before he headed into the north where she had her little community, he wanted to check out this ‘sound sculpture’. It had been designed by an old friend back in Missouri, an artist who used to run a gallery in Columbia but who had a penchant for large conceptual works.
The GM crossed the first warning rumble strips. Darnell turned his attention to the sound of the tires crossing the strips, and a few moments later was treated to a long, drawn-out rumble over a series of carefully spaced and specially shaped strips, which distinctly said: “WWWWW-ELLL-CCCCOOOOOMMME-TOOOOO-WWWWWAAAALLLESSSS”.
That’s from the artist’s book I made about four years ago, just before I closed my gallery of fine art. It even has a .pdf of the explanation of how this would work.
In other words, another prediction jackpot!
Man that makes my day. Yeah, sure, I didn’t get such a road made, but, I clearly came up with an idea which works, and possibly before this other guy in Japan did.
Hehehehehe.
Jim Downey
Filed under: Augmented Reality, Government, NPR, NYT, Predictions, Science, Science Fiction, Society, tech, Writing stuff
. . . the one I have in Communion of Dreams about a military EM jamming device which shuts down all communications in a given area is actually pretty lame. This sort of thing has been a staple of Science Fiction just about forever, and in fact real radio jamming equipment has been used since the early days of radio. I remember back in the ’70s reading about something called an ‘Odien Coil’ which could be used to blanket all radio and television broadcasts for up to about a half-mile. For Communion, I just set a few different parameters for the device, and gave it the ability to disrupt all the electro-magnetic spectrum used to carry the data of a ubiquitous computing/augmented reality society, then allowed it to play an important role in the plot.
So, while my prediction in this regard is, as I said, pretty lame, I still got a bit of amusement out of the recent NYT coverage of cell phone jamming devices. It was mentioned again this morning on NPR’s Weekend Edition Saturday, and that reminded me that I wanted to say something about it here, because while the tech is actually fairly old, how it is applied in a society becoming increasingly dependent on instantaneous cell phone communication is nonetheless newsworthy and insightful. From Matt Richtell’s NYT article:
The technology is not new, but overseas exporters of jammers say demand is rising and they are sending hundreds of them a month into the United States — prompting scrutiny from federal regulators and new concern last week from the cellphone industry. The buyers include owners of cafes and hair salons, hoteliers, public speakers, theater operators, bus drivers and, increasingly, commuters on public transportation.
The development is creating a battle for control of the airspace within earshot. And the damage is collateral. Insensitive talkers impose their racket on the defenseless, while jammers punish not just the offender, but also more discreet chatterers.
“If anything characterizes the 21st century, it’s our inability to restrain ourselves for the benefit of other people,” said James Katz, director of the Center for Mobile Communication Studies at Rutgers University. “The cellphone talker thinks his rights go above that of people around him, and the jammer thinks his are the more important rights.”
Bingo. We’re still in the early phase of this kind of communications tech. As I stipulate in Communion, one way such technology could evolve is to become even more personal, literally implanted into our bodies, making it completely unnecessary to speak above a whisper in order to conduct a call clearly. If this were to happen, it would solve the problem of idiots needing to chatter away loudly on their phones, and perhaps societal pressures would counteract the current situation. And if it wasn’t just a matter of politeness bringing about such a change, perhaps the application of jamming technology will push us in that direction.
One can hope, anyway.
Jim Downey
Filed under: Flu, General Musings, Global Warming, Habanero, Migraine, movies, Pandemic, Plague, Predictions, Science Fiction, Society, Writing stuff
Umberto Eco, when asked why he wrote The Name of the Rose, famously replied: “I wanted to poison a monk.”
I can sympathize.
There are times when I’m a little grumpy, or have just had a little too much exposure to my fellow monkeys, when I’d like to kill a few people myself. In fact, catch me when I’m feeling more than a bit honest, and I’ll admit that part of the backstory of Communion of Dreams is because I think that the world really would be better off with about 2/3 of the population gone, as traumatic and painful as that might be. No, I am not advocating it – I can just see the benefit of some pandemic flu or plague, in terms of the carrying capacity of the planet.
And of course I see plenty of ways in which we’re well on the road to having this happen, as I write about here upon occasion. Take your pick: war, terrorism, global warming, disease, or even just eating ourselves to death. I just came from the store, where I needed to get some frozen raspberries for a habanero jelly recipe I want to make. There in my neighborhood supermarket were 120 feet of freezers carrying various ice creams and other dessert treats. One aisle over was 60 feet of frozen pizzas. I looked and looked for frozen fruits, and found one narrow little rack, about half the width of one 10′ wide freezer unit, containing a small selection of fruits. Think there’s something wrong there?
*Gah.*
OK, I am a little grumpy. I’m in a cycle of migraines, it seems, having had two in the last week. Still living with the echoes of the one yesterday. But still, sometimes I feel very pessimistic about our future . . . and take a certain perverse pleasure in it.
Well, this is the 200th post. Woo-hoo. I’ll be a little more upbeat later.
Jim Downey
Filed under: Art, Feedback, General Musings, movies, Promotion, Science Fiction, Writing stuff
I heard back from the person mentioned in this post. What they said:
I’m sorry to report that the person I was hoping would pass along the novel to “hollywood” is too much of an editor and less of a reader. They have been held back by the “roughness” as Kilgore Trout put it. Although they are still hoping/planning to try and read through it I told them that if their heart wasn’t really in it enough to actually finish reading the novel not to pass it along. Networking is only helpful when done with integrity – at least to my mind. I have a couple more “connected” people to try though and will look into them. If you would like I can pass along the editorial comments.
My response:
Oh, that’s fine – as you wish. I concur that networking should only be handled with integrity – the quickest way to ‘burn your cred’ (ruin your credibility) for someone like that is to push something you don’t honestly believe in. I’m certainly willing to hear criticism – my skin is plenty thick, and I will use it as I see fit – but I’m not planning on a major rewrite of the thing anytime soon. If there are small glitches (and certainly if there are typos, et cetera), I’m perfectly happy to fix those.
I honestly think that most of the problem that some people have with the book is that they don’t give it a chance – what may seem at first exposure to be a ‘problem’ is usually an intentional technique on my part to engage the reader to be thinking or reacting to something in a specific way, setting up for either an evolution in thought later or just some kind of outright surprise. Now, since this is “just” science fiction, and I am “just” a first-time novelist, some people do not expect any kind of literary sophistication in the book. So they get partway in, see some things which confuse their expectations, and give up. Whereas if they read it all the way through (perhaps more than once), some of the more subtle things going on may become evident.
*sigh* I’m not claiming to be some kind of literary genius. Everything I did with the novel is fairly standard stuff, applied from my education and decades of reading. It’s just that too often people are not expecting anything more than a surface layer from popular fiction. And when you don’t meet their expectations, if they don’t have some faith in you as an ‘established’ or ‘recognized’ author, they give up. If I’ve failed in anything, it is not in catering to these expectations on the part of some readers to help them get past their initial confusion. I just dislike pandering to people. Certainly, that segment of my audience who have completed the book and found themselves pleased with the whole thing is more rewarding to me than those who do not make it more than a couple of chapters in.
Oh, and thanks for providing me material for the blog. 😉
Yeah, I know – makes me sound like I have a pretty inflated opinion of myself and my book. There is an element of that, I will admit. But mostly, it is just a manifestation of my self confidence – a necessary component in dealing with life, and in particular in dealing with being an artist/author. A personal essay I wrote several years ago that touches on this:
Expectations
One birthday, when I was nine or ten, I woke with anticipation of the presents I would receive. Still in my pajamas I rushed into the kitchen where my parents were having coffee, expecting to get the loot which was rightfully mine. My father happily handed over a small, wrapped box. I opened it eagerly, to find a little American flag on a wooden stick. My father said that since my birthday was July 4th, he thought I would appreciate the gift. Horrorstruck first at not getting anything better, then at my own greed, I guiltily told my parents that I thought it was a fine gift. After a moment, of course, my folks brought out my real presents. I can no longer tell you what those presents were, but the lesson in expectations my dad taught me that day always remained with me. My dad had been a Marine, fought in Korea, and was a deeply patriotic cop who was killed while on duty a couple of years after that birthday. I’ve never looked at the American flag without remembering what a fine gift it really is, and have never forgotten not to take some things for granted.
When I was in High School some years later, I learned another lesson in expectations. I had always been a good student (straight A’s, involved in Student Government, various clubs, et cetera), but I was never announced as a member of the National Honor Society. With that earlier lesson about expectations firmly in mind, I watched as my friends were inducted during my Sophomore and Junior years, figuring that there was a reason that I had been passed over, that there was some flaw in my academic record that disqualified me. But I couldn’t figure out what it might be. When, during my Senior year, the NHS list came out and it didn’t have my name on it again, I decided to ask someone about it.
I went to my advisor and asked if he could explain it to me. He had only been my advisor my Senior year, but knew me fairly well, knew my GPA and my involvement level. He looked at me with some surprise and said he thought I was already a member. When I said no, he said he’d look into it. A couple of hours later I was summoned to the Principal’s office. It turned out that my file had been mis-filed years earlier. A purely clerical error. I should have been a member of the Society all along. Everyone was most apologetic, and they retroactively inducted me into the NHS.
My High School days are far behind me, and it has long since ceased to matter to me whether I received any particular recognition or award back then. As I’ve matured, gained life experience, I’ve learned many other lessons about tempering expectations, living with occasional disappointment, accepting that things don’t always work out the way you plan no matter how hard you work or how deserving you are. But those two early lessons in expectations still are the boundaries that I live by: don’t take things for granted, but don’t be afraid to ask why things aren’t the way they’re supposed to be. This gives me an appreciation for life, and the strength to really live it, which I think would make both my parents proud.
So yeah, I have some ego. But it comes from realizing that you get nowhere from being afraid to create and assert yourself.
Jim Downey
Communion Of Dreams 